Interview with: Atiya
The Marriage Strategist
ATIYA, founder of The Marriage Tree, has over the past 20 years, dedicated her life to honing her craft and, indeed, her calling – to empower, build and maximize human potential by affecting profound transformation in people’s attitudes, perspectives and behaviors. She has been the catalyst responsible for inspiring countless people worldwide to realize their dreams and achieve joy, success and fulfillment in life.
Now she’s bringing all her past experiences, education, and business-development skills from her considerable history as a speaker, author and life coach to focus on her core message: marital harmony ~ extended and profound.
Atiya is a publisher and the author of several life empowering books including: Purposeful Dating.
You have had an amazing career, for over 20 years, in which you have helped people worldwide to realize their dreams and achieve joy, success and fulfillment in life. How did you transition from a “life” coach to a “marriage” coach?
My core message has always been healthy marriages and relationships. And many of the programs I am rolling out today were programs in development years ago and simply fine-tuned in the appropriate season to introduce them.
I realized about a year and a half ago that the season for me to focus on my core message was now, and so I worked with Dr. Towanna Freeman a Business Coach and Coach for Coaches, of Black Life Coaches Network of which I am one of the original members, to help me make that transition.
What led you to launch “the Marriage Tree?”
The Marriage Tree has been in existence for many many years behind the scenes. Only when the season arrived to launch it publically did I make it known. It is my offering, my gift and I walk in it gladly and with gratitude.
How do you help couples to revive their relationships?
I help them to go to the root of the problem or issue, along with helping them to clarify their relationship goals and individual’s dreams and passions, and give them tools to create a dynamic and synergistic relationship on a soul level.
What have you found to be some of the biggest reasons or contributors that cause the love and romance to die in relationships?
The biggest reasons I have found that deteriorates relationships and marriages are 1). Secrets/Non Transparency; 2). Infidelity 3). Not Leaving and Cleaving; 4). Wrong Intentions and/or Dishonest/Dishonorable coming together at the onset of the relationship.
How does your personal experience with 2 divorces and 3 marriages help you to guide other couples?
I deal with truth and straightforward words. There are patterns to relationship success and relationship failures. Mine was no different. I learned much in my past marriages and still learning even in my soul connection.
From the first one I learned to be true to who I am. I learned that I don’t have to apologize for being me or ever be afraid to speak my truth. I learned that I don’t have to be ashamed of my past or my pain and that I can stand in my power and on my incredible possibilities. I learned that I don’t have to shrink for someone to accept me and love me for fear of being alone. I learned that when I’m called to do something, I just have to step out on faith and as my mama used to say, just have the faith of the grain of a mustard seed, and move those mountains, even if I have to do it alone! Because in truth I’m never alone. I learned to step outside of my comfort zone because I do not do the world any favors by playing small and I certainly don’t do my relationship well because when I do, I give others permission to treat me small. I learned that I don’t have to hide my light because I’m sharing space with someone else. I learned that being extraordinary is not based on gender and as a woman; I can have my cake and eat it to. But I had to step back a minute to even see what kind of cake I really liked and not just keep eating what someone else was serving me.
From the second one I learned to accept nothing less than what I deserve and the truth is I deserve the best. Call it what you will – high maintenance or whatever, I don’t have to apologize for who I am. I’m not common, therefore you can’t handle me like I am. I learned to hold myself accountable for the choices I make and to take responsibility for my success on all levels. I learned that being humble does not mean being a sacrificial lamb and that being grateful does not mean accepting anything that comes my way. I don’t have to accept abuse or an unhealthy relationship. I learned that yes mistakes happen, but mistakes do not have to exist. I learned that I can turn my disappointment into an opportunity.
Overall, I learned that I don’t have to be somebody’s second or third choice. I wanted and had a right to be the first choice, but in order for that to be my reality, I had to make some changes and those changes perhaps came in me having to lose my disposition in order to take my rightful position. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t advocate running from relationship to relationship or marriage to marriage. I encourage making the best decision at the jump street and coming to the table with the right intentions. If your intentions aren’t right the relationship’s not going to be right.
Marriages can and will last when people go into marriage the way marriage was intended. However often, people go into it expecting their lives to stay the same and that is not how it is. There is a higher purpose for marriage and it is that higher purpose that I guide my clients with, regardless of my own personal journey. Going through what I have gone through enhancing the information I have at my disposal.
You are the author of several inspiring books. Tell us about your book “Purposeful Dating.” What do you mean by “Purposeful Dating?”
Everything we do in our lives must have an aim and purpose in order to exponentially benefit from our efforts. That includes the dating process as well. Whether you are looking for a friend or someone to marry, the mindset going into building a relationship is very important to your outcome, as well as the experiences you have along the way. Purposeful Dating is a about manifesting the love of your life through the power of courtship.
Your husband Ingram is an active part of The Marriage Tree Coaching service. How do the two of you work together to help couples?
I am a certified trainer-for-trainer, over 20-years of ministerial experience, and have been doing life coaching and speaking for over 22-years. Ingram is an award winning community coach with over 12-years in athletic coaching and mentoring people of all ages; he has a background in restorative justice and within the last year completed a life coaching course.
We synergize and use the best from our education and training, skills sets, and life experience to help couples in all areas of their relationship and life. Together we have a plethora of information and experience extending over 40-years and in terms of marriage we have a combined total of close to 30-years of marital experience.
I am able to offer a seasoned perspective and learning from past mistakes as a twice divorced person, and Ingram is able to offer a fresh perspective this being his only marriage relationship and what it takes to get it right the first time.
Ingram is from the UK and you from the US. How did the two of you meet? And how were you able to trust again in love after 2 divorces?
We met online. He was up for an award and I was releasing at that time my first book, From Ordinary to Extraordinary, 1st Edition. He asked me to give him feedback on a video he had produced. After that first conversation, it was evident that it was a meeting that was meant to happen. We started to communicate pretty regularly and he started booking me for radio interviews across the United Kingdom and the Caribbean and I started offering him informal coaching.
A friendship developed from there, and not too long after that 8-9 months later we were married. My heart never closed to love or the ideal of love. Where trust came into the picture was to ensure that the person that was destined to be my husband was taken to court in such a way that there would be no false intentions or pretenses in that I was looking and desiring a soul/spirit-level connection because my husband and I, whoever that was to be, had a very special earth mission and he had to authentically be The One I have been waiting for, for real, otherwise, it wasn’t happening.
What do you hope that readers of “Purposeful Dating” will take away from your book?
I don’t want them to take anything away from my book, I want them to gain something from it and that is information that will help them to have their own soul-to-soul connection. I want readers to develop courage to do things a little bit differently…okay a lot differently…to get a very different outcome. If you want something different, you have to do something different.
How to Connect with Atiya
The Marriage Tree: http://www.themarriagetree.net
Atiya on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Atiyakm
Purposeful Dating – Amazon Order Page
Atiyas Light Publishing: http://www.atiyaslight.com